


nightmares

by raffinit



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Coping, Gen, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 00:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11635020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raffinit/pseuds/raffinit
Summary: it's harder to run when your eyes aren't open





	nightmares

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EllieandJoel4ever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieandJoel4ever/gifts).



> Dedicated to [EllieandJoel4ever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieandJoel4ever/pseuds/EllieandJoel4ever) for being such a sweetheart and commenting on my fics <3 here's a little bit of Dad!Joel and Ellie for ya

He doesn’t quite remember what it’s like to be a dad.

Too many years have gone by; he’s been too busy being a black market dealer, a killer, a partner - a survivor. Twenty years is a long time, too many memories have come and gone for Joel. Who he was before the infection; what he did, where he lived, who he loved...

It has no value in a world where survival comes first.

He’s trying to remember though.

What it’s like to fuss about dishes and laundry, all the while teaching Ellie how to clean her gun or how to skin rabbits. 

He’s starting to remember what it’s like to worry like a father.

_ “Joel, don’t let him get me, please! Please! Joel, help me! HELP ME, PLEASE!” _

The scream tears through the house, muffled and loud and hollow in the hallways as he jolts up out of bed, bolting down the corridor before he can even register it; heart pounding in his chest as he shoves the bedroom door open and lunges into the room in a rush. “Ellie!” His eyes search the room frantically, cold sweat starts to gather on his skin when he finally catches sight of the girl thrashing in her bed, fighting her covers.

Nightmares are the resident ghosts in their house.

“Ellie.” He rushes to her side, grasping her shoulders firmly before the girl can hurt herself. At his touch she makes a whimpering scream, and Joel flinches even though he knows that he’s not the one she’s afraid of, but it doesn’t stop hurting though. “Wake up, baby girl, wake up.” He shakes her gently, cupping her cheek and stroking her hair. “It’s just a nightmare, Ellie. It’s okay.”

“No!” Her eyes snap open in the darkness, wide and terrified as her hands grip onto Joel’s arms; sinking her nails into his skin as she scrambles upright in bed. She’s heaving ragged heavy breaths as her mind processes the familiar sight of the man in the dark and his gentle low crooning. 

He just barely has time to see the tears pool before she’s throwing herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck tight enough for him to feel the pinch as she wails into his neck. “J-Joel!” she sobs, and the man wraps his arms around her small frame protectively, rocking her gently as she clings to him. “H-he was - I couldn’t stop him -.”

He hushes her soothingly, pressing her face into his shoulder, running his fingers through her bed-mussed hair gently as her fingers tighten and her breaths grow sharper. She’s drenched in cold sweat, trembling all over, and he sighs heavily.“’s alright, baby girl, I’m here,” he promises, and hugs the girl that much tighter to him - if only to reassure his own insecurities. 

It’s not uncommon for her to have nightmares; Joel hates it whenever she does, because he doesn’t know how else to soothe her than to hold her, but he also hates himself for not being able to stop the reason she’s waking up screaming for help and terrified of the dark. 

If he had been a minute too late...

Eventually her grip loosens a touch, and Joel uses the space to pull back and inspect her face. She’s almost sickly pale in the dark, tear tracks sticky on her face as he reaches out and thumbs away the lone tear that lingers on her face. She sniffles, breathing a shaky breath as she grasps his hand, squeezing it in hers anxiously. “Don’t - don’t go, please? Can you stay?” Her voice shakes, her words are so young; so innocently desperate that he’s reminded painfully just how young she is - how unnatural everything they’ve been through is. 

She should be running around at the mall, trying on clothes, watching movies with friends and worrying about boys - not losing sleep from nightmares of monsters and men and all the blood on her hands. 

But she’s not; he doesn’t think she can even remember what a life like that is like. She wasn’t born into a world so simple, and on her behalf, he feels cheated. There are no memories of better times for her. 

The same way he doesn’t remember his.

But he doesn’t need to though. He might not remember what it’s like to be a dad, but she’s not expecting him to be.

She just expects him to be there, and that’s something he can do.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, baby girl. I’m right here with you.” He leans back into her bed, settles her comfortably on his chest until she sighs with such relief it makes it hard for him to breathe. He’s been in this position many times; sat by and held the ones he’s loved, warding away the tears and the monsters that he couldn’t do away with himself before. 

Memories, all just...memories.

With a low hum, he finds a tune from the decades passed, and he sings her to sleep the same way he had with Sarah and Tess.

And like them before her, he doesn’t let her go.


End file.
